She's JV to your varsity
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
