Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
