Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
