I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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