The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Even my vagina gasped.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
