It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
