I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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