He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
