using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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