I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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