saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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