My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
