Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
