You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
