I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
