he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
