do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My pussy is not your playground.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
