I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
