How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
