because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
