I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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