a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
