I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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