Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
