He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
