im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
