Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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