dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
