oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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