I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He passed out mid-signature
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
