it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
