Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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