THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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