i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
