Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
