I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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