nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
