I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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