Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
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