We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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