my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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