Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
