Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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