have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
