U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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