her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
