I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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