Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
