I cannot find my penis.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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