I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he fucked my hip out of place.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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